Saturday, May 26, 2007 They say...

Current mood: determined Category: Life They say we are a direct result of all that we've feel/felt and think/thought... How true do you think this is? Lets take a look at me shall we? *clearin throat* I used to feel, when I was a young girl, that I didnt need a man and I would get one just to have babies and get rid of his ass. Well guess what? I have two children, no man, and am a single parent. I used to think that a man couldnt know who I was, unless I was sharing my body with him. Now I can hardly stand to deal with a man, unless we are having a tantric experience. He has to shut the F up and get naked. If he is doing more than that, I gotta go. Now... I feel like I am alone(not lonely damnit). And I spend almost every spare moment I have by myself. And I dont mind. I actually like it. I feel like I may never get married. No pity party. If thats my fate, ok. So when anything resembling a serious relationship comes along, I gotta sabotage it. Betta to cut my losses early, than to lose it later right. *shrug* I think I dont have enough money. And guess what? I dont! Have had that thought for a long time. Been broke for a long time too. This one, I may be able to turn around though. I figured out that I need 50K more a year than I make now, to do the things I want/need to. Now I gotta go get it. I think my job is tough as heeeeeeeyall! And guess what? I get burned out and overwhelmed and think about quitting every week. But this can turn around too. The money is a huge motivation, when I think about quitting. Whew! Man I was going somewhere with all of this and I just got sleepy as hell and feel that rambling syndrome coming on. I better quit while Im ahead. But before I go...what does all this mean to me right now? Ive been going back over my thoughts and feelings and realized that Ive been in my own damn way all this time. Its my own fault I dont have what I need or that Im not where I should be in life. I started a business plan with what should be business goals right. Well it turned personal as all get out. I gotta get out of my own way and get some things done. Im such a coward. Yeah I said it. Doesnt mean any of you mofo's need to co-sign either. Some one I greatly dislike called me a wondering generality. Whew the truth hurts. Im going to bed, before I write a book. Im sleepy.